Long time coming

I realize that I really need to blog more often. There are so many memorable moments that I don't write down and forget about them especially when I have a 2 year old and and a 1 year old. My goals for this year have been well thought out. So here it goes:

I want to take a journey of self discovery and reflect on the past in order to become a better person. It is not that I am not a good person because I like to think that I am but I know that there is major room for improvement. So in order to do this I think I have to really learn who I am and who I want to be. be. For starters, I want to be a mother who has an abundance of patience. I used to, but I don't know where it went. I think this starts with becoming a better listener. Bailey tells me all the time that I don't listen to him and it is true. I think because I know he is just making excuses and I really just don't want to hear them to be honest. But hopefully there will be more respect between the two of us if I take the time to listen to him and think about the right thing to say rather than being reactive.

Truthfully I realize that I am somewhat hypocritical. I believe in God and Jesus Christ as the savior and son of God. I call myself Christian and sincerely believe in my faith but I feel as if I don't walk the walk. Decisions that I make in life are not what he would want me to make. I think this is where Christians get it wrong. And I know a lot of you can understand what I am saying, but most wont admit it at least not publicly like I am. To be truly Christian is to believe in Christ and what he did for us as well as live our lives closely to him and do as he would do. I have become so worldly with all the electronics and toys wrapped up in appearances and consumed with our "stuff"and I didn't stop to think how Christ lived and the sacrifices he made for us. So another one of my goals is to be less worldly and to consumed with "stuff" and to serve others however I can. Money does not equal happiness. Happiness is to understand your purpose in life and know who you are and what your place is in life. It is to live in the company of your family and help others in need.

I think in making these small changes that the rest will fall in place. Sadly, it just wont be easy. But putting it in writing makes it more of a challenge a real obtainable goal and serves as a reminder of who I want to be to achieve happiness and peace. I want to be a better person, mother wife and daughter.

It kinda feels good to air your dirty laundry, admitting faults is never easy, but it makes you realize them and make a conscious effort to change what you don't like.

SO HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone and may it be prosperous and rich with happiness!!!